All things perfectionism! How it shows up, why it stinks, and what you can do about it

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Perfectionism is something so many of us wrestle with—quietly, behind closed doors. If you’re a woman or a mother, chances are you’ve felt that pressure to be everything to everyone. It’s that persistent voice whispering (or yelling), “You’re not doing enough. You’re not good enough. Keep going.” Sound familiar?

Here’s the truth: perfectionism isn’t helping you. In fact, it might be the very thing standing between you and the life you actually want to live—the one that feels free, fulfilling, and authentically you.

The Many Faces of Perfectionism

Perfectionism isn’t just about wanting things to be flawless. It can show up in ways that might surprise you:

• Fear of making mistakes
• The urge to control every little detail
• Procrastinating because starting feels overwhelming
• Feeling paralyzed when things aren’t just right
• Constant anxiety or defensiveness

Sometimes, it sneaks in so subtly that you don’t even recognize it for what it is.

The Weight of Societal Expectations

As women, the pressure is often doubled. Society loves to remind us that we’re supposed to have it all together—all the time. A spotless home, perfectly behaved kids, a successful career, and let’s not forget looking effortlessly put together while doing it all.

The reality? It’s exhausting. And it’s impossible.

Neurodivergence and Perfectionism

If you have ADHD (or other forms of neurodivergence), perfectionism can take on an entirely different shape. It might feel like a way to cope—a way to manage the chaos or avoid the fear of forgetting something important. But it can also keep you stuck, making you afraid to try unless you’re 100% sure you’ll get it right.

What’s Beneath Perfectionism?

At its core, perfectionism often stems from one belief: I’m not enough. Not smart enough, not capable enough, not lovable enough. It’s like a script running in the background, shaping how you show up in the world.

But here’s the thing: you are enough. Right now. As you are. Messy, imperfect, human—all of it.

Recognizing Perfectionist Patterns

Take a moment to reflect:

• Where in your life do you feel the most pressure to be perfect?
• Are there areas where you allow yourself to be imperfect? What feels different there?

Bringing awareness to these patterns is the first step in breaking free from them.

Breaking Free from Perfectionism: Practical Strategies

1. Test Your Comfort with Imperfection

Start small. Let someone visit your home when it’s not picture-perfect. Turn in a project at work that’s 90% done instead of obsessing over every last detail. Say yes to something spontaneous without over-planning.

2. Weigh the Costs and Benefits

Ask yourself:

• What do I gain by being perfect?
• What do I lose by chasing perfection?

Spoiler: the costs usually outweigh the gains.

3. Be Kind to Yourself

Think about how you’d talk to a friend. If they were struggling with perfectionism, would you criticize them, or would you encourage them with compassion?

Try extending that same kindness to yourself.

4. Embrace the B and C Grades of Life

Not everything in life needs an A+ effort. Some things just need to get done. The laundry doesn’t have to be folded perfectly. Dinner doesn’t need to look like a Pinterest post.

Give yourself permission to aim for “good enough.”

The Truth About Worthiness

Your worth has absolutely nothing to do with how spotless your house is, how flawlessly you parent, or how perfect your work looks.

You’re worthy simply because you exist.

Let’s Celebrate Imperfection

So, here’s a challenge: this week, pick one area of your life and intentionally let it be imperfect. Maybe it’s leaving the dishes in the sink overnight. Maybe it’s wearing mismatched socks to school drop-off. Maybe it’s saying no to something you don’t have the bandwidth for.

Whatever it is, lean into the discomfort and see what happens. Who knows? You might even find it’s a little liberating.

Don’t hesitate to share your imperfect moments with me on Instagram. You can also visit my website!

Remember: you’re not a robot. You’re human. And you’re enough, just as you are.